I recently learned that if you constantly criticize yourself in a negative way and don’t say positive affirmations to yourself, it is because you have rarely heard loving and encouraging words when you were growing up. Even if you did hear positive words, there is a possibility that the environment in your home, neighbourhood, or school was not able to support you emotionally.

So, trying to nurture ourselves with positive self-talk can be a bit of a challenge for some, especially in difficult times. But the good thing is, you can train yourself to do so!

MY STORY IN BRIEF

My younger self would always pick up her best friend: her diary, to vent her thoughts. As the years passed, she learned to express herself in other ways, especially by talking and sharing her thoughts with others. But recently, I realized that I cannot be “always” dependent on others to sort out my thoughts and help me in times of need. Sometimes it’s absolutely alright to ask for help and need some company to vent. But in the times when no one is available to listen to you, you need to learn to take care of yourself and your negative thoughts. That’s where the art of self-talk plays a role!

*Note – I am not a psychologist or such a medical expert. My blogs are based on my experiences and research. This blog does not include any “facts, statistics, or numbers”, You’ll find loads of those on the internet and in books. But I have mentioned a couple of articles and books that I found interesting on the subject, and the links are given at the end of the article for further reading.

“You will never speak to anyone more than you speak to yourself in your head. Be kind to yourself.” ~Unknown

When I came across this quote, my lips curled up in a beautiful smile that spoke out, “Damn, that’s true!” Yes, there is no one out there with whom you would talk more than you do with yourself.

IT’S OKAY TO HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Firstly, it’s really important to acknowledge all your thoughts, even the negative ones.

“I am not good enough.”

“I am useless and hopeless.”

“I can do nothing good in my life.”

All these are negative self-talks that many people tell themselves so many times. If you are one of them, then it’s absolutely okay to have negative thoughts. We are human beings, and our mind is such that it is much easier for us to repeat negative thoughts than positive ones. Have you noticed that when something bad happens to you, even the smallest thing, for e.g., a fight with a family member, your favourite mug falling and breaking down, or even not getting a proper network on your phone; you tend to keep running those negative thoughts like “Everything is going against me”, “Nothing is going right”, or “Even the network has a problem with me”.

“Negative self-talk, once it pops up in our mind, seems to multiply itself automatically and at a very fast pace.”

Kritika Jain

One negative thought leads to another, and in no time, you think the whole day is bad, but in fact, only one or a few things have not gone your way. But because you kept reminding your mind that everything is bad, even the things that usually make you happy, irritate you, and make you angry. It is one of the side effects of negative self-talk.

But ignoring or avoiding them is not the solution. We first need to accept that we have these thoughts and try to let them pass.

Another good suggestion is to add the word “YET”.

Instead of saying: I am not good enough.

Say: I am not good enough yet.

Instead of saying: I do not know what to do; I can never make good decisions.

Say: I don’t know what to do yet. I am making efforts to enhance my decision-making skills.

Of course, this ‘yet’ advice won’t work in all situations, but it helps to boost confidence in oneself that, right now, you are not where you want to be, but with efforts and hard work, you will surely try to improve yourself. I feel that telling yourself affirmations like “I am good” and “I have excellent decision-making skills”, gives you false hope. Your subconscious mind already knows that this isn’t true, and it would also know that you’re lying. And lying to yourself won’t get you anywhere. Instead, saying “yet” gives you hope and motivation to work on yourself and become the version you dream of.

THE ART OF SELF-TALK

Positive self-talk just doesn’t happen overnight. I, myself, am in the process of learning. It takes time. It depends on a lot of factors, like your current mental health, your environment at home/ workplace/ college, the people you surround yourself with, including your friends, family, colleagues, partners, children, etc. To some, it might come very easily because of the supportive environment and people. But some will have to work to learn the art of self-talk.

There is no doubt that positive self-talk has a number of benefits. It will boost your confidence, give you motivation to do activities, uplift your mood, build better relationships, amplify creativity, and most importantly, raise your love, care, and respect for yourself.

It personally gives me confidence that I’ll get better, things will get better. I remind myself to be kinder to myself. I now generally engage in positive or neutral self-talk, and it comes more naturally to me. Sometimes, when times are tough, I accept my negative thoughts and let them go. In fact, now I don’t even say negative things about myself, but I do think about what others say and think about me. It doesn’t affect me much what others think about me because I know who I am and I love myself. And you should, too! You are loved, you are good enough, and you can do everything you want to do. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing so!

Further reads-

Book – The Science of Self-Talk by Ian Tuhovsky

https://www.inhersight.com/blog/mental-health/positive-self-talk